top of page

One of our bombs is missing....

This week Dave, Rich and myself were joined by Mark for his first sortie into the weird and wacky world of 7TV.

The plot? Stalin, actually faked his own demise and went into hiding. The long years of secrecy have led to both boredom and a burning irritation of the growing popularity of cold war agents such as the likes of Bond, Flint, Solo and Kuryakin. Fed up with daytime TV and the ego wastelands of obscurity Stalin has decided to make a reappearance. He has been encouraged by a chain of rather fortuitous events. A rather 'dirty' nuclear device has gone missing in Northern Europe. James Bond has been otherwise detained at his orthodontist, Flint is currently indisposed with a marketing tour of his new aftershave range and Solo and Kuryakin have gotten themselves lost in some underground bunker. Stalin, seeing his opportunity to have a paperback thriller series written of his new exploit, seizes his chance.

The industrial area of "Little Point'.....

Stalin's intelligence network has alerted him to the fact that British Intelligence have discovered a plot to snatch a rather large nuclear device which has been stored in Kusangi Cybernetics. Without their usual agents to hand Stalin has offered his services to a rather bewildered head of MI6.

Go team Stalin!

Josef uses his seduction capability to subdue any protests from the heads of British Intelligence. Such is his presence he even manages to be 'leant' some British military personnel for the occasion. Along with his senior intelligence lead Ade An Abetin (an ex-Algerian operative trained by the SAS) he makes his way to 'Little Point'. Dave and Mark took charge of this rather international looking intervention force!


Unbeknown to Stalin, he faces off against the omnipotent tendrils of D.A.R.K (Deranged Assemblage of Religious Krankpots) led by their charismatic Guru, Reverend Dee Ranged. The Reverend has gathered his cultist brothers in an attempt to snatch a bomb capable of delivering one almighty sermon. With him are a cult leader and three cultists, a D.A.R.K Spy and Miss Teek (a D.A.R.K sorceress). Richard and I led the cultists preaching to the non believers in Little Point.


As can be seen from the above photos, Stalin and his team deployed to the North and D.A.R.K to the South West (Miss Teek and Spy) and South East Rev: Ranged and the cultists). The spy had used his ability to deploy into the centre of town (top photo of the three) and a fence was the only thing that separated him from the objective (yellow nuclear device). D.A.R.K also won the initiative and elected to go first.

Advance and convert!

The D.A.R.K Spy managed to spend to pip points and dash over to the bomb. Meanwhile the cultists fanned out and advanced to the West of the town - chanting some latin mumbo jumbo as they went.

Thin red line...

It was Dave and Mark's turn. A lucky event card saw the D.A.R.K spy trip over his laces as he sized up the objective. Meanwhile several guardsmen advanced beyond the Refuse Incinerator and used the skips as some cover.

Hand Grenades and Handbrakes.....

As is always the case in 7TV the next scene become intense and action packed! Rich and I managed to stand the SPY back to his feet and investigate the bomb's trolley system - only for him to fumble the handbrake mechanism and see it roll downhill! Luckily for D.A.R.K at least it was towards their own baseline. Miss Teek and the Cultists moved up to add cover - only to watch, somewhat bewildered, as the bomb trundled past them.....!

To make matters worse for D.A.R.K Dave and Mark managed to pull the 'swap' character card event and abruptly employed it to good effect by swapping the D.A.R.K Spy with one of the Guardsmen (you can see the Spy unceremoniously dumped into the skip!). Stalin then moved up his other team members in an effort to chase down the 'mobile' bomb!

Bullets and bombs!

To add to the mayhem - a cultist lackey managed to wound the guards captain with a rifle shot - before being rather unsportingly blown to smithereens by a returning hand grenade from the aforementioned assailed soldier.

A suitable disposing of religious waste!

Dusting off his flamboyant lapels Stalin sauntered casually over to the befuddled D.A.R.K spy, pulled out his Makarov and filled him with Russian (low grade) lead. D.A.R.K had lost two of its followers. Rich and I had fewer plot points to dish out!

Hide and seek

Bomb trolley dash (and burn).

Dave and Mark continued their advance. A lone guardsmen made a dash to the device - only to meet his demise at the end of some D.A.R.K propaganda material (guns).

The moustache of seduction

Dave and Mark moved Stalin and his remaining team up. Another eventful scene played out. Stalin used his 'seduction' ability and weakened Miss Teak (who only had eyes for the former dictators well coifed tash). An Abetin moved in and let loose with his machine gun - tearing the D.A.R.K sorceress up in a noisy hymn of hot metal. In return Rich and myself moved a cultist over to grab the device and managed to take down the already wounded Guards Captain with a well aimed rifle shot.

Communist meets cultist

The final scene was nail biting. With D.A.R.K in control of the device - Dave and Mark pulled a lucky card. Dave pulled a card that enabled them to pick three more event cards and play them all one after the other! This resulted in Stalin sprinting over to the bomb, punching the cultist there but not being able to finish him off. An Abetin let loose with his SMG again but this time failed to silence another of the D.A.R.K brethren. Rich and I managed to pull the blast marker card - setting an explosive device off next to Ade An Abetin and wounding him. Reverend Dee Ranged moved over to Petrol Station to be within supporting distance of his Stalin battered and bruised minion.

A this point the programme finished. Neither side was in full control of the device objective. D.A.R.K had managed to earn a plot point with the despatch of the Guards Captain - but Stalin had gained two points with the despatch of Miss Teek. A narrow win for Joseph!

The D.A.R.K sect retreated to lick their wounds and probably undertake some mass self-flagellation. Stalin was spirited away by Ade An Abetin leaving someone else to bemoan the misappropriation of British Military Personnel to the Soviets gain. Arriving in his siberian hideaway Joseph ordered an immediate call to John le Carré to hire him for his new autobiography.

Probably not the last time we will see Stalin. Undoubtedly not the end of D.A.R.K

A fun inaugural game for Mark - who seems to have been suitably infected with the 7TV virus.

bottom of page